A positive mindset is powerful. Gratitude, noticing the good in our lives, and choosing to focus on what lifts us up does genuinely improve our wellbeing. What happens though when positivity becomes the only thing we allow ourselves to feel? When we push aside emotions that don’t fit into the ‘good vibes only’ category?
While it’s wonderful to embrace positivity, it’s equally important to acknowledge and honour all of our emotions…even the ones we (or a part of us) might deem as negative. Fear, sadness, anger, frustration, these feelings are not roadblocks to be bypassed by positivity. They are signposts, guiding us to deeper self-awareness and understanding.
The Pitfalls of Focusing Only on Positivity
When we focus solely on positivity, we risk:
• Suppressing real emotions – Ignoring or dismissing difficult emotions doesn’t make them disappear; it just buries them, only for them to resurface later in ways we may not expect.
• Losing authenticity – If we only allow ourselves to express positivity, we may start to feel disconnected from our true selves.
• Experiencing guilt or shame – If we believe we should always be positive, then any other emotion can feel like failure. This can lead to an internal battle instead of self-compassion.
• Toxic positivity – The belief that we must stay positive no matter what can invalidate our real struggles and those of others. It can create an environment where genuine feelings are dismissed rather than explored and processed.
A More Self-Led Approach: Positivity AND…
True emotional wellbeing doesn’t come from just thinking positively, it comes from welcoming all of our experiences with curiosity and compassion. A positive mindset isn’t about rejecting the ‘negative’; it’s about embracing both the light and the dark, the ease and the discomfort, the joy and the pain.
This is where Internal Family Systems (IFS) can be incredibly powerful. IFS teaches us that we are made up of different parts, each with its own emotions, beliefs, and perspectives. Some parts may feel anxious, sad, or frustrated, while other parts may push for positivity as a way to protect us from discomfort. When we operate solely from these protective parts, we risk ignoring the underlying emotions that need attention.
Instead of seeing emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ IFS helps us view them as messengers. Every feeling, every part of us that shows up, has something valuable to reveal…about our needs, our boundaries, our values, and our wounds that may need healing. By becoming Self-led, we can hold space for all parts of us with compassion and curiosity, rather than rejecting or suppressing them.
So rather than “just stay positive,” what if we tried:
• “I’m feeling frustrated AND I can acknowledge that part of me.”
• “This part of me feels anxious AND I can hold space for it.”
• “I’m grateful for what I have AND I can still feel sadness about what I’ve lost.”
A Small Step Towards Positivity AND…
The next time you notice a challenging emotion arise, instead of pushing it away with positivity, take a moment to acknowledge it using an IFS approach. Try this:
1. Pause and name the emotion: “I notice that a part of me is feeling…”
2. Allow it to be there without judgment.
3. Ask: “What might this part be trying to tell me?”
4. Approach it with curiosity from Self—rather than trying to change or silence it.
5. Then, if it feels right, shift towards gratitude or a positive perspective—without dismissing what is already there.
By embracing a positive mindset and honouring all parts of ourselves through IFS, we step into a more authentic, Self-led way of living—one that allows for true growth, healing, and connection.
If you’re intrigued or curious about how IFS could help you on your journey, you’re welcome to book a Free chat with me. You can book in here.
