Disconnection: The Quiet Cause Behind So Much Struggle

There’s been a lot of change in my life lately.

My daughter’s just moved to Canada.

My son’s about to head off to Queenstown.

We’re selling our house.

It’s a lot.

And while some parts of me are excited for them, proud of them, others feel a bit wobbly… sad, nostalgic, unsure.

There have been plenty of tears.

Because this is what life is like — full of emotion, full of change, full of moments that ask us to let go, hold on, grow.

I’ve noticed that even though all of that is going on, it doesn’t feel overwhelming in the way it once might have.

Not because it’s easy.

Not because I’m breezing through it.

But because underneath it all, there’s a solid connection to my-Self.

It got me thinking about disconnection — and how many of the struggles we face in life stem from being disconnected from ourselves.

Disconnected from our emotions.

From our parts.

From our values.

From that quiet inner knowing — the one that doesn’t always shout, but is always there.

When we don’t have that connection, life can feel like a tangled mess.

That’s when anxiety creeps in.

When decisions feel impossible.

When stories spiral.

When you catch yourself thinking: “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

It’s also when parts of us start running the show.

One wants to fix it.

One wants to escape.

One wants to pretend it’s all fine.

Another is quietly panicking in the corner.

They all mean well. They’re all trying to protect us in some way.

And when we’re disconnected from Self, we tend to believe those parts.

We get caught up in their stories.

And that’s when things feel hard. Heavy. Too much.

The good news is we can always reconnect.

It can be as simple as noticing what you’re feeling — even if it doesn’t make logical sense.

Giving that part of you a voice.

Sometimes I’ll literally journal from that part — let it say everything it needs to say, unfiltered. Expletives and all.

And it helps. Because when a part feels heard, it softens.

That’s when Self can step in.

And when Self is there, there’s room for it all.

The grief. The excitement. The uncertainty. The joy.

Another beautiful way back to yourself is to revisit your values.

What matters to you — really?

Not the “shoulds” or the roles you play.

But the things that make you feel most you.

Because true connection — with yourself, with others — comes from that place.

And when you’re anchored there, change doesn’t stop being challenging, it just stops being all-consuming.

A little invitation to explore

What might be here for you, if you slowed down for a moment and turned inwards?

Is there a part of you that wants to be heard today?

Maybe one that’s feeling tired, or frustrated, or quietly carrying something you haven’t fully acknowledged.

You might like to grab a notebook and give that part the pen. Let it speak, uncensored. Let it say the things you usually brush past or tidy up. There’s no right or wrong — just let it be real.

Or perhaps you feel called to revisit your values — not the ones you think you should hold, but the ones that make you feel most like yourself when you’re living from them.

What do they tell you about what you need right now?

If you’d like to understand more about Self, parts and the concepts of Internal Family Systems (IFS) you’re welcome to book in a free chat with me here or if you’d like to watch my recent workshop ‘Self-discovery through IFS’ you can watch it here.