Why ‘Just Be You’ Isn’t as Simple as It Sound

You’ll see it all over social media…‘Just Be You’. It sounds lovely, and it’s usually shared as though it’s the easiest thing in the world, as though being you is something you simply decide to do one morning. And if you’ve ever considered that ‘Just be you’ message for more than a moment, you may have noticed the questions that follow…how do I actually do that? And who even am I?

If those questions have come up for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. Being you was never as simple as remembering something you’d briefly forgotten, like your keys or where you parked the car. What’s actually in the way is years of conditioning, old programmes that have been quietly running the show for most of your life.

From the time we were little, we were soaking up messages about who we needed to be. Be good, be quiet, be helpful, don’t be too much, don’t be so sensitive, work hard, achieve, put others first. Parts of us took those messages on and learnt to shape who we were around them, because at the time, that’s what kept us safe, loved and belonging.

And so we learnt to live from looking outwards. We looked outwards to know if we were doing ok, outwards for approval, outwards for the rules about how life should be lived, what success looks like, what we should want and who we should be. After years, often decades, of living that way, it makes complete sense that ‘just be you’ can feel confusing, because the version of you that’s been showing up in the world was built around all of those messages.

I’ve had my own experience of this recently, and this newsletter is a good example. I took nearly two months away from it, and a week away from posting in my group, and there were parts of me with plenty to say about that…hustle culture has trained them well. Keep showing up, keep producing, people will forget about you, this is the opposite of what you should be doing. And when I paused and turned inwards, I was able to acknowledge those parts and what they were worried about, to remind them that I’m safe, and as I came back to my-Self, I intuitively knew what I really needed was rest and space, so that’s what I gave myself.

There’s an important distinction in there, because tuning in doesn’t mean taking the first thing you hear as what you truly need. Some of what we hear when we look inwards is coming from parts of us that have been conditioned by society, by fear, by old experiences…the shoulds, the pressure, the ‘you’re falling behind’. Tuning in means noticing those parts with curiosity, getting to know them and what they’re trying to do for us, so we can start to hear what sits underneath them…what we really need, what truly nourishes us, what brings us peace.

This is why this work is so powerful. When you turn towards the parts of you running those old programmes, when you listen to them and understand them rather than trying to override them or push past them, you begin to reconnect to your-Self. And from there you get to live from love, to make choices from what’s true for you now, and to be who you really are rather than who you were led to believe you needed to be.

And like everything on your inner journey, this is a journey rather than a tick box exercise. There’s no ‘do these three things and you’ll feel great’, it’s about being willing to be curious, to look inwards, to understand, and to keep coming back. Years of conditioning don’t unwind in a weekend, and they don’t need to, because every moment of curiosity, every part of you that you get to know, brings you a little closer to yourself.

Something I've been talking about with many of my clients recently is the wish for this part of the journey to be over quickly, and I understand it, because underneath that wish is often the desire to stop feeling crappy, and alongside it, the desire to get on and live, to have fun, to enjoy life. And this is where the 'and' I often talk about becomes so important. It was never a choice between doing the work or living your life, it's both. Doing the work and living your life. Doing the work and enjoying moments of joy, of presence, of connection.

Because this is a journey that can last your whole life, I'd suggest it's a big part of what we're here for, and life keeps unfolding alongside it. Just life without the work is so much harder, and all work without the living is too heavy. They go hand in hand, and when you bring curiosity into your everyday life, you get to live it more openly, to find more joy in it, to be more present in it.

You get to come back to you. And from my own experience, and from walking alongside my clients on their journeys, it’s probably the most beautiful gift you will ever give yourself.

A Gentle Invitation to Explore

Over the coming week, start to notice the moments you’re tuning out…scrolling, pushing through, doing what you feel you should be doing.

In one of those moments, pause, take a breath, and ask yourself…what do I really need right now?

Notice what comes up for you and where it’s coming from. Does it feel like a ‘should’ or like it’s coming from fear? Or does it feel more true for you, more like it’s coming from love?

As always, curiosity and no judgement. See what you learn.

If you’d like some support on this journey or to get started, you’re welcome to book a Free chat with me here.